I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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