Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize