Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
