i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
