haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
