Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I checked into jail on foursquare
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
