You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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