walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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