Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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