i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is the high leading the old right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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