Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
