how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
