either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
