When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
