WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
