I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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