i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
