I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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