We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
