a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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