Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
