That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
