I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
