I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
