JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
