the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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