i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
