remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
