The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
