my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
