the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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