haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
