haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
