Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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