Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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