his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
