Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
