Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
