Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
