We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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