carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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