So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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