Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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