come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
