I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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