I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
