She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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