Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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