The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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