Its about making memories worth repressing
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
