guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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