there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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