so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
