Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
