dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
