I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
