I skipped work to stalk him.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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