The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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