some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
