I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
