This is not my ceiling
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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