Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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