How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
