I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize