Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
