I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
