You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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