I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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