Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
