i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
