I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
