Umm I'm too high to move.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
