If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
