He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
