Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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