I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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