and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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