how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
