You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
