I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
