They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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