My Higher Power is John Stamos
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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