I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
