either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
