Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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