I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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