After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
