Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
