Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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