Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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