woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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