Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy

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(253): View more from Washington

Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

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(646): View more from New York

But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.

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(912): View more from Georgia

Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?

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(979): View more from Texas

Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry

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(614): View more from Ohio

I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen

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