Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I need a burrito and a hug.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
