This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's like iHOP with fire
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
