I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
