i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
