Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
