He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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