I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
