I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm too high and old for this...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
