I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
