U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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